Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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