He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize