it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
