Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
