just tell him i said nine months
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
