it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
