i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
