I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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