Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
