So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
