There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize