I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
