i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
