Cold hands, warm shart.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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