and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
