i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
