If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
