how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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