Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
