My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize