R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
