the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
