I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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