I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize