now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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