So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If I die, sorry about rent.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
