It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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