My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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