im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
