I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
