omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
