dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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