Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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