I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize