I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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