There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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