Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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