dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize