We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
