I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
