we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
