I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
