Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
