just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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