I accidentally had phone sex last night
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
