If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
