We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
