So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
