so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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