Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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