I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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