I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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