We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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