whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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