all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
