She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
