I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
