i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
