you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
