dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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