shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
