I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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