Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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