so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
