Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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