You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
