i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize